Every nurse/healthcare worker whether on the front line, at home resting, on annual leave, mat leave, any leave, with their family taking care of their own front line is pulling their hair out trying to get the message across to their friends, family, neighbours and general public to STAY AT HOME

I have colleagues on mat leave, coming back from leave early, giving up annual leave as well as those in isolation itching to get back to their work family to help do what they do best. Stop and know that we will be ok when you are ok, please don’t rush.

There have been messages of guilt because they cannot be on the front line at this time and my message to them is…

We got this far with your help before this virus took hold and we would not be the team we are without your input prior to you not being here. So please don’t feel guilty as you are still part of our team and always will be. You are doing the most important job you can do in your current situation which is protecting yourself and families. 

Now more than ever your nursing family needs you to hold your heads high and be proud of your profession and yourselves knowing that you are protecting us on the front line by spreading the word as well as protecting yourself.

We love you and look forward to seeing you on the other side or earlier but more than ever we are glad that you are safe so please keep spreading the message to STAY AT HOME to those who seem to think that this is not serious because whilst you do that we will do you proud by doing what we all know how to do best and fight TOGETHER

For the past 9 months I have been completely MIA over here and no it is not because I am pregnant again (could have had another in that time – am I right!?). The reason for the absence would be that no matter what I write hasn’t felt right, I just feel like it is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I have written post after post and yet nothing has reached past the stage of draft.

Why can’t I hit that publish button?

The majority of the time instead of watching crap TV I like to catch up with what is going on in the world of You Tube. Whilst I was catching up on a couple of The Michalak’s recent creations it hit me like a train – well what Stef said hit the nail on the head.

Not the bit where he talks about trolls on the internet (he kept it short, sweet and fair!) but the part where he talks about not uploading for a couple of weeks due to writing himself into a ditch – obviously if you haven’t seen it then watch it! I do have an opinion on the whole Clemmie clap-trap but I don’t care enough to share it.

There are days where I feel a real pang for the old days of blogging, where you could put any old shit out there. The fact that it was more of an online diary than anything else instantly made ‘that post’ (pile of rambling shit) acceptable fodder for the world to see (who am I kidding a long lost friend or dedicated relative!!!). 

I digress, back to Stef’s point. I have spent days writing but despite all the effort there was nothing quite good enough or that I felt was the right fit for what I wanted to hit publish. Over the past couple of weeks I have been delving a little deeper into my blog and what I really want for and from it. 

For instance, do I want to speak with a passive or active voice – this post in particular is a whole heap of passive. Do I want to continue to review books, delve into wide world of skincare, beauty and of course LIFESTYLE. This is where I sit back, pull the blanket up, sip my coffee and think – what fucking lifestyle! Who the hell would be interested in ME and what I do on a daily basis. 

With that being said if every creator/influencer/blogger/vlogger/person (?) thought this way – well, there would be no vlogs, You Tube channels with addictive content or anything of the like. So, I need to basically shut the fuck up and just get on with it. If I want to write something then write it, love it, share it right?! 

What am I going to write about – who the fuck knows! But, what I do know is it is COMING SOON!

I’d love to say like the next big blockbuster (Do they call them that anymore? What happened to that store – 80/90’s baby here!) but who am I kidding. I digress (AGAIN), it will be readable, SEO friendly, relevant, honest! Okay, well at least it will be honest!

Well, I do hope you stick around to find out! I will try to post something of relevance on insta so you know you what is happening. Click HERE for my Insta so you can follow and keep up with my exciting life obviously!

Finally I will put it out there into the ether – Returning to blogging after 9 months is hard. Feelings of not being good enough, struggling to get to that point of completion?

What would you do?! 

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Buckle up folks and grab a cuppa or two WITH biscuits because this is quite a lengthy post! From finding out that I was pregnant through the 9 months of making the little one! It also has a couple of affiliate links included.

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9 Months in the Making

M A R C H  2 0 1 8 | On the morning of Saturday 3rd March I woke up feeling quite sick which is terribly unlike me. Writing it off as not eating breakfast and having coffee I got on with my day. That evening I checked my calendar and had a bit of a shock to the system. Surely I couldn’t be pregnant, not right now! I’m sure we were careful . . . but then there was the night of Valentine’s Day.

{This is where the dreamy music taking us back in time would happen if this were a vlog/movie!}

F E B R U A R Y 1 4 T H 2 0 1 8 | On my way home from work after a particularly long day at work and I get a call from A saying that he isn’t going to be able to make it to mine until later – the plan was to be at mine when I got home and to have some down time together as we hadn’t seen each other for a while due to work and other commitments. Feeling slightly deflated I finished my drive home and went straight to the bathroom and showered the day away. All snuggled up in my towel I padded through to my bedroom and sprawled across the top with a card in his hand and a bag of goodies in front of his man bits I shit you not I actually dropped my towel in fright (at first). A bottle of champagne and some Barry White later is why we need to fast forward to Saturday 3rd March.

So, the morning after and I am in the coffee shop toilet after peeing on the stick of doom and wondering how my life will change if the test is positive. Will it be positive or negative and either way what would I do about it. Either way I would tell A the result.

P O S I T I V E | I’m going to be a mum and it’s not just to a baby but a little person for a very long time. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Can I do this? Surely not me! Well, obviously it was me! The next 8 months were a mix of challenging, eye opening and just weird experiences. The one word that comes to mind when I think of the whole pregnancy, birth and motherhood game is just WEIRD because every day is something new and I am forever trying to get my head around it all but that is okay because I am not the first and sure as shit wont be the last.

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F I R S T  T R I M E S T E R | Thankfully I was lucky enough to escape the clutches of morning sickness. However, as I had carpal tunnel syndrome prior to pregnancy that flared up massively and the pain was unreal (more so in the mornings than anything else) – it was linked closely to water retention which also hit me pretty hard. With a lot of pain relief and perseverance with regards to my water intake things calmed down a bit towards the end of the first 12 weeks.

Here is where I start to sound like ‘just another pregnant woman’ but honestly the first 12 weeks really is the hardest. Other than my nearest and dearest I didn’t tell ANYONE – for me though I extended it to the 20 week mark just to be sure. It was mainly hard because of the tiredness and the nature of my job – I’m a nurse who works one to one with their patients and has to do EVERYTHING for them which includes a lot of turning and physical movements. By the end of my shift I was pooped without even dreaming of the thought of having to do yet another shift the next day. Finally when I told my boss work were an absolute dream as I knew they would be and things were a little easier. From that moment onwards I just rolled through to the next stage of pregnancy in my happy little bloated bubble. Just a heads up the guy in the pic is not A!

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S E C O N D  T R I M E S T E R | This stage of my pregnancy began with us being able to see and hear our baby for the first time. You would think that I was in a very comfortable polygamous relationship if you would have seen the entourage in the waiting room but only myself and A actually made it to the sonographer’s room. Where I am openly not that emotional both myself and A shed a tear when we heard the heartbeat – the only way that I can describe it is ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE. Everything started to click into place that I was actually going to be a mummy. 

Shortly after things started to unravel – our relationship was breaking down and being 5 months pregnant I was a ball of emotions. Dealing with the prospect of becoming a single mum was something that I couldn’t quite understand but had to come to terms with and sharpish.

When you are let down by someone that you consider to be your significant other it is also the time that you will find out who your true friends really are. Honestly without my mum, Catherine (Vintage Frills) and her husband I don’t think I would have made it to the end of the pregnancy mentally intact. From the relationship side of things during pregnancy it was hard going but as it was such a negative part I will go into more detail (maybe) in another post.

On the more positive side of things – one of the most exciting parts of the second trimester for most people is finding out the sex of the baby. We had both decided to not find out the sex of the baby but when it came to the crunch he found out and I left the room. I was excited for the surprise of it all and wanted it to stay that way. As I reached the end of this trimester I had almost finished planning the nursery and had a long list of items that I wanted to purchase from now up until birth. In true virgo style I was trying to stay as organised as possible to take any possible stress away from myself when it came to the end of the pregnancy as I knew that I would be absolutely shattered from the literal load I was carrying.

T H I R D  T R I M E S T E R | Hurray for dungarees! Finally my bump popped and I was able to embrace my maternity clothes. Going through hot weather whilst heavily pregnant really is a bit of a bitch but thanks to Birkenstock and JoJo Maman Bebe I was able to get through the heatwave ALMOST unscathed as I slopped about in my short dungarees and sandals without a care in the world. Third trimester was also time for my baby shower and oh my life it was not only a beautiful day on the weather front but thanks (again) to Catherine and three of my other friends (Gaurav, Vicky & Sash) it was pretty incredible – you can see more photos over on Catherine’s blog if you click HERE.

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After the baby shower it was time to sort out life admin side of things such as maternity pay, household bill dates and of course getting my annual leave at work sorted. Luckily where I work long day shifts instead of 9-5, I ended up with a good chunk of time off before my maternity leave started. That being said by the time I got to the end of my annual leave I was itching for baby to make an appearance as I had done everything I need to do and was getting a little bored of waiting.

WOULD I DO ANYTHING DIFFERENTLY?

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and a bit of a bitch at the same time. One of the main things that I wish I did more of was documenting my pregnancy in photos. For someone who used to post frequently on Instagram throughout the pregnancy it was a bit of a radio silence. I think where I got used to not posting it on Instagram as I didn’t want certain people knowing until a certain date it just translated through to the rest of the pregnancy which is sad but I know in myself that despite some of the negative bits I have never been so happy.

I will be writing a separate post about my Labour, Delivery & Post Natal Ward experience as well as a whole host of other Parenting related posts so stay tuned (not all of them will be this long!). Thanks for giving me the time for catharsis it’s been a bumpy ride – here’s to the rest!

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Happy 1stDecember you lovely lot – I haven’t been around for a while despite my last post about getting back into the game. BUT I have a very valid reason for my absence! I HAD A BABY – yes peeps it’s not just me anymore, I am responsible for another human. However, the month of December is upon us and time is flying by at an alarming rate. It has been a long year but the past month seems to have vanished into thin air so I have no doubt that this month will be gone in a wink so I am trying to get through my December to do list before things get on top of me.

My December To Do List

Put Tree Up | The tree is in the box and ready to be put up, it’s just finding the time between looking after baby and the rest of life. Once the tree is up and we have all of the decorations out it really does start to feel Christmassy around here. We are a little late on the organisation side of things this year – blame the baby!

Write Christmas Cards | Usually by this time I have a list of cards to write and have reached the half way mark – once again it’s the baby! That being said my list is not far off complete and I have my cards and stationery ready and waiting.

Fill Christmas Eve box| The box I chose wasn’t massive so there may be an additional bag in the mix, but my aim is to fill it with some awesome little Christmas treats for bub and me. There will be a post about what goes into the box so keep your eyes peeled.

Christmas Market | I love a good Christmas market and there are so many good ones out there. I’d love to get up to Winter Wonderland, but I might stay a little closer to home and head to Winterville – looking at some of the pictures from last year it looks so cute. If you have been, I’d love to know how it went for you?!

Christmas Movie Marathon | It’s time to get out all of my favourite Christmas movies as well as other favourite films and plot up for the day. This is the perfect day to snack throughout the day, so it is the perfect opportunity to get all of my favourite foods and just veg out. Once again there will be a post of what is on my list. Do you have a favourite Christmas film?

Wrap presents with Christmas soundtrack | This has been a tradition in our house for so many years and it really does mean that Christmas is just around the corner. Our album of choice is Christmas with Nat & Dean and although it is on repeat whilst wrapping it doesn’t get annoying. Do you have a favourite Christmas song?

List of Appreciation | This may sound a little bit odd but this year I have had a lot to be grateful for and I look forward to listing it all, so it is there in front of me. It hasn’t been the easiest year and there have been a lot of things that haven’t gone according to plan, but I am so grateful for everything that has gone right. What are you grateful for that has happened this year?

Of course, there are other things that happen across the course of the month, but these are the main branches to the tree (see what I did there – ok! Mum joke!).

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Do you have a list of things that you get up to through the month of December?

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Right about now I really want to get myself sorted and start blogging again.

I have lists upon lists of ideas that I want to blog about but I think the one thing that I am going to do is get rid of those lists and start afresh. This is not a post where I go on about having a full time job and blogging as things have changed and life goes on. There is a high percentage of bloggers that have full time jobs and keep their blogs more than afloat so there really isn’t any excuse. I work shifts so in the future I am a going to take a leaf out of my old organised blogging book and plan ahead.
There will be no promises until I get into an actual routine but one thing that I really want to have at the forefront of my mind is that I want the direction of my blog to change. I want my blog out there and I want it to mean something.
Do you ever feel like you want to be more out there but you’re not sure quite how to go about it?
If you have any suggestions then please don’t be a stranger!